Before starting I really want to preface this by highlighting I have swayed on this topic over and over. I want to stress that everything mentioned is my own opinion and based on my own experience, thoughts and I don’t necessarily think I am right or what I think is the best, it’s just how I feel.
I have always struggled with being labelled disabled. There I said it.
From a young sort of teenage age I would get so angry if someone dared to call me disabled because the way I saw it was the ultimate put down and spot light on how I was different and I saw it as such a terrible thing.
Growing up it wasn’t really a word that was used to describe me, it wasn’t an avoided word either, just not used. My family and friends throughout my life have always been encouraging and pushed me to do anything I want, even when we both think it’s not possible or easy. Reflecting while writing this I honestly can’t pinpoint a specific reason why it really gets to me.
Traditionally in society, disabled people have been blocked from the spotlight, unheard from in the media and TV/films and so underrepresented in everyday life. This is a general sweeping statement that again I feel relates to me in that growing up, before social media, there were not really any disabled public figures, role models or representatives. Since starting this blog, mainly the Instagram page, I’ve been enlightened to a whole wave of positivity and empowerment that just wasn’t accessible when I was younger.
I’m not blaming anyone or anything for the views or outlook I have, but want to voice the impact it might have on someone when you brand them as something.
To me, I truly do my absolute best to see everyone as a human, disability or not. The same as with or without any other labels applied. I have no negative feelings towards others with disabilities but I have a disconnect, as I can only see it as a negative about myself.
Judgement definitely comes into play here, and I believe it’s 99% of the reason I have been single for so much of my life. I can’t bear the thought of meeting someone and them thinking ‘oh she’s disabled’ or ‘you’re disabled but you don’t look it in pictures’ – the whole catfish vibe, and I can’t believe anyone would choose me as a ‘disabled girlfriend’.
Writing this out, I know it sounds preposterous for so many reasons. I have so much more to offer than a disability, being different is actually class, I never really think about it but I am actually really proud of who I am now, and what I’ve achieved.
It makes me sound like a horrible person too because I feel like I’m contributing to the negative connotations around being disabled but it’s the hardest battle because I only fight myself.
I don’t know many disabled people, I have met more through the blog, and the people I know are just as worthy(I use this word as it’s the opposite of how I feel), amazing and as much of a human than anyone else. I would challenge anyone who thought otherwise and feel so strongly about it actually. Just for me, it doesn’t apply to me.
I’ve said a number of times and basically the entire focus of the blog is documenting my journey of less self hating and more educating. I have made such leaps this year mainly in appreciating life and it’s complexities after having a bit of an epiphany that my medical condition and disability isn’t going to change, me wishing it would or hiding myself because of it is a waste of precious energy.
My attitude has changed so much towards what I wear, how I respond to comments and questions, my confidence in what I have to offer as a friend and as a human. It’s not always consistent but it’s there. My reactive feelings towards being labelled disabled is evolving to not being so negative, to shifting towards how I feel other kickass empowered disabled humans, to not feel so judged when it’s applied to me. I did another blog about having a blue badge and how I’m not ashamed to be getting out of my car in a disabled space, the same as I used to be. Maybe, hopefully, I’ll get to a point to let someone in, to be chosen, to have a lil’ family, to fully conquer my world.
❤
If you read this, thank you!
*UPDATE*
Since this post has been live I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it. I think it’s clear I worry about how it comes across but I feel I haven’t rounded up very well. At the end of the day, I have a disability and therefore I am disabled. The message I am trying to convey though is that although I choose to accept, power through and do my best to not let it stop me – being disabled and inherently the label isn’t something I have chosen, it’s given to me.
If you call me disabled, to me it’s so much more than you commenting on my physical ability. What’s matter of fact on paper or to you, might be a barrier to inclusivity to someone else. This could be applied to labelling anyone anything.
Labels allow pre-conceptions and judgement to happen. It’s difficult to know as soon as someone spots I’m disabled, I instantly have another layer to get through to show my real self. It happens all the time – people don’t expect things of me, or think I’m some sort of angelic feature because of how they assume in line with the word disabled.
In a world where kindness is needed now more than every, where being more open about our feelings and what’s happening in our thought processes, these are conversations that are easily avoidable. It’s easy to jump on the band wagon and consume what’s already out there but imagine what would be possible without the fear of being labelled ____
SPLINT UP, LOOK SHARP 