H – Heels & Hands

Following nicely on from fashion the other day, I wanted to do a quick note on heels. 

When I was younger I was obsessed with wanting to wear high heels, like every damn day. To an unhealthy extent – especially when it would never happen.  I would get so upset over shoes, and when all my pals started getting heels, being young, I was annoyed I couldn’t do the same. 

I lived in a someday, one day, maybe, that would never happen.

Because I wear splints, my ankles are at a fixed right angle so if my heel is raised my knee would bend too far forward to be able to walk. I think it’s normal for everyone to go through a stage in their life when they just want to fit in and for me having to wear flat shoes that fit my splints did not make me feel ‘in’. N.B. I obv realise how ridic this sounds now but at the time it was all I dreamed of.

After having surgery on my ankles to have them fused, the degree they collapse inwards significantly reduced so my splints have been narrower and easier to fit in shoes. I need to wear lifts in the back of my shoes to balance my knee extension, this is the closest to heels i’ll be in, and that’s okay 🙂

Since that was a little short one, I also wanted to quickly touch on my hands (pardon the pun) and especially because the weather is so cold. When my hands get cold my fingers basically stop working. The little power I have in them completely disappears when it’s cold, I’m not really sure why but it’s v annoying. 

I know different conditions can have varying effects on hands, whether it’s stiffness, weakness or pain. Using your hands can be a huge part of everyday life and when people see my taking a wee bit longer to do something it can be embarrassing and flustering and there’s no need. For example, in a supermarket check out I need to use both hands to lift most things – bar maybe an onion or pack of pasta, and obv this slows things down. If you’re standing behind me, moving closer and sighing at how long I’m taking, chances are it will make me feel shit and I’ll just take longer to piss you off. It costs less than your shop to be nice.

I get extremely paranoid about how my hands function. I’d go as far to say even more than about how I walk – which is a lot. I don’t mind asking people to open things for me and my friends know when to jump in and grab things or pick them up or hold for me. I find it more difficult if my hands are freezing and I have to sign something, or handle change. People are usually taken aback and it does get to me as I can see it happen. I appreciate it so much when people are mindful and helpful <3. It’s easy to speak and not think, or to sigh and not realise, but when you ask me for a lighter then ask if I have a bottomless pocket while I try to grab hold of it with my spaghetti fingers, it really strikes a nerve.

(PS I don’t smoke any more and now find this funny, using for point of reference)