Just did it.

Hey y’all, hope you are having a splendid weekend!

I’ve been feeling a bit like a big grey jobby more often than I’d like to recently. Just general ups and downs which are natural and normal for me, but they’ve been teamed up with a lot of chill time with Bertha! – my “kids” blanket with a bear cuddly toy head, yes you read right.

Not been working since I came back from my travels and I am fully guilty of a quick 10 min unnecessary nap turning into a solid 6 hours of Z’s. Not intentionally but admittedly submissively not using my time in enthralling ways. Full advocate of this time when it’s for rest and controlled, but when it’s 75% of the day, 75% of the week, something’s gotta give.

Changing up my mindset and holding out to be employed by the end of the week!

Also, after a few quality conversations with my friends and brother, yesterday I decided to join the gym near my new digs and go sweat out what I was feeling.

Having spent so much time in my literal comfy zone – i.e. bed! I just decided to go balls deep and go wearing shorts for the first time ever. My confidence grew while travelling wearing shorts – I didn’t really wear much that showed my splints when I left Scotland but by mid NZ summer and the way back through Asia I couldn’t get a pair short enough. It was roasting, I wore shorts – zero fucks.

Here though, it aint so toasty so leggings are my be all, end all. Buuuut yesterday, I just thought FUUUUUUUUUUUCKKK ITTTTTT! Zero comfort zone, a lot of fucks given!!

There’s not really one reason I ‘hide’ my splints here, just a combination of looks and stares and obsessing over what other people are thinking. YAWN, tiring and boring, so although I was terrified, I just did it.

I’ve wanted to wear shorts to the gym literally for years and I always say ‘when I’m skinny I’ll do it’ or ‘I want to be skinny enough one day to wear shorts to the gym’ but in reality I used to be ‘skinny’ and I still didn’t do it coz of my blaaady splints.

So, I just did it.

I didn’t die. People looked at me. I looked at them. I did my workout. I left.

I don’t really want to write too much about how it made me feel etc, I’m not writing this for attention or to be congratulated. So why?

If you have a read and can think of something you know this drill to:

I’ll do it when.. I can’t do that coz I’m.. What if…

What’s the worst that would actually happen?

I’m not coming from any space of moral high-ground here, just one baby gal taking baby steps to maybe one other baby gal or boy. I also get it’s one thing, one day, but it’s more than I thought I’d achieve probs in my life coz no matter how ‘skinny’ I get, I could very easily stayed in the lanes of worrying what other people might think…and tbh, how would I ever even know?

XX